Wineomics 101

When The Andaz (formerly Ivy) Wine Bar opened a year ago, it was about as trendy as they come. It has a bright back-lit accent wall lined from end to end with enomatic wine machines that you almost don’t notice as you take in the rest of the lounge environment, complete with cowhide-covered booths that are, shall we say, less than comfortable.

The first time I went, which was admittedly months ago, the line of machines combined with the polished accents, dark wood and accent lights gave me the vague sense that I was on board a futuristic space ship (except for the cowhide), and that the bottles encased in the robotic glass cases were the last surviving specimens of wine saved during an apocalyptic catastrophe.

And I hadn’t even had any wine yet.

But I was also struck by the fact that the wine was priced as though it really was the last remaining vino on Earth.  I am a huge fan of Far Niente Chardonnay, so I was excited to see that it was available. But I was not willing to pay almost $9 for a 1.5 oz pour, or $35 for a 6-oz. glass. Nearly all of the rest of the selections were high-end, boutique wines at the same price point, and my friend and I left feeling robbed, not because we paid the high prices but because the high prices deterred us from our wine fix altogether.

Then my friend, a business genius, started doing the math. At this point in our number-crunching conversations I usually tune out as my left brain starts remembering the numerous grammatical sins I see committed every day, and let him enjoy the compounding calculations all to himself. But that day his argument was compelling:

There are 25.4 ounces in a normal 750 ml bottle of wine; therefore roughly 17 1.5-oz. pours, and about four glasses, per bottle.  At that rate, the one-shot prices are the equivalent of buying a bottle of Far Niente Chard for $140. They retail for $50-60, so this is well within the typical 2-3x markup that wine bars are famous for.

See? Total genius.

I recently went back to Andaz and noticed that they have replaced nearly all of the higher-end wine with affordable alternatives, save for a 2007 Aubert Chardonnay for $8.66 per taste and a 2007 Justin Isosceles for $6.66 (apt, since Justin just sold the winery to Fiji Water). But now that I've done the math, I feel like people should really have the opportunity to try smaller doses of awesome wine at a price that doesn't break the bank. That's the point of enomatic machines, after all.

But here is the real lesson, kids: enjoy your wine however you like it, but never, ever try to calculate the cost in a unit smaller than a full bottle, because it is sure to taste less satisfying.